


OCD

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [62]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, phil is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-08 23:57:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1961091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Clint has OCD</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been a month since the battle of New York. It’s been a month since they sent Loki off to Asgard. It’s been a month since Phil Coulson died.

It’s been a month since Clint Barton has slept properly.

Every night he sits on his bed, It used to be  _their_  bed, and just stares at the door.

It used to be that before going to bed, Clint Barton would lock the door, unlock it, lock it again - 7 times. He’d turn off the lights, turn it back on, then off again, on, off, on, off, on, off - 15 times, without fail. Phil Coulson would just smile at him, when Clint walked to their bed, he’d welcome him with a warm embrace, kiss the archer’s temple and say good night.

But after Phil Coulson had died, Clint Barton never did these things anymore. There was no one to welcome him to the bed and there was no one to smile at him as he got in. He didn’t see the point of it, really. not anymore, at least.

Phil Coulson once told him that every night, whenever Clint did what he did, he felt safer; he felt like the day wasn’t so bad, everytime Clint turned off the light and turned it back on, he’d imagine that those were the days they’re going to spend in each other’s arms.

But now, Clint Barton was alone. He didn’t see the point of turning the lights off and on again because now, he didn’t have Phil to spend the rest of his life with. He didn’t lock the door and unlock it again because there was a small part of him that couldn’t accept that Phil Coulson was gone.

—-

The Avengers had noticed the change. Clint still ran up and down the stairs 3 times before he sat down with them at breakfast. But he didn’t spend as much time organizing his food by color anymore. He almost doesn’t stop at sidewalk cracks, when he used to do it every time until Tony would get fed up and just drive them all to wherever they want.

Clint Barton used to love getting flowers and would then proceed to arrange them in order of color, height, number of petals, number of leaves; Now, there’s nothing but a passing comment on the boquets of beautiful things.

Natasha had asked him once what was wrong, and he simply shrugged and said that nothing was wrong.

None of the Avengers believed him.

They knew he was still grieving for Phil’s death. They were too, but no one was as affected by it than Clint was. Of course, he was.

The Avengers found out that Clint had OCD when they started living together. They tried to be patient with him, but sometimes, they didn’t have the luxury of time and Clint always had to do things in a certain way. More often than not, Clint would be left behind because they simply couldn’t wait.

Agent Phil Coulson was different. He’d wait for Clint no matter how long it took. He’d stop at every sidewalk crack and talk to Clint about it. He’d gladly recieve the flowers Clint had rearranged. He waited to eat until Clint was done organizing his food based on color.

Phil Coulson was different when he was handling Clint. He was gentle and patient. He was always smiling and there were always hugs involved. Very different from the Phil Coulson inside SHIELD, who was stone-cold and always had his way.

This Phil Coulson was in love with Clint. This Phil Coulson didn’t care if he was late, or if the rest of his life would be spent waiting for Clint. He loved Clint and it didn’t matter how long it took Clint to get ready for work or bed, so long as Phil was with him. Phil Coulson simply loved Clint Barton like no one else ever did.

—-

Steve had asked him once, why he didn’t do the things he did anymore. Steve had said that if it was because Clint was scared he’d get left behind by the rest of them, Steve assured him that they would wait for him, they wouldn’t leave him.

Clint smiled up at their fearless leader and simply said

"I try  _so hard_  not to do the things that I did not because I’m afraid you guys will leave me behind. My whole life, I spent with people who promised me they wouldn’t leave me, that they’d wait for me, but in the end they’re just promises. There was nothing holding them back from leaving me. Over the years, I’ve become used to it. When I lost Phil, I thought I was going back to square one. I thought I’d have to find someone who was as patient with me as he was. Someone to love me like he did, and someone I could love like I did him. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Not when I still love him. I don’t want to go back to square one. I don’t want to find someone else. I want him back and I know that he’s dead but maybe, somehow, by some form of miracle he’ll come back and when he does, my door is unlocked. I do the things I do now because I want Phil Coulson back.”


	2. Chapter 2

When he noticed, he decided not to say anything about it. He wondered what started it but decided not to pry - it wasn’t his business after all. He was Clint Barton’s handler. 

But then, they started being actual friends. Inside jokes here and there, trading stories - Phil from his ranger days and Clint from his circus days - reminding each other to take a break when they seemed more stressed out than usual, eating lunch together with Natasha - mostly with Natasha. She tended to need to leave even before Clint has finished organizing his food so it always ends up just being the two of them.

During their time together, Phil has found that the only Clint doesn’t do any of his quirks whenever he’s working - which Phil guessed was a good thing since that’s be a huge problem in this line of work.

After work - after the adrenalin had faded - was a different story though. Clint stopped at every other crack in the sidewalk, separated his food by color before eating, counted his arrows four times before putting them all back in the quiver, things like that. Phil tried to help him once but Clint freaked claiming that he had to start all over again because Phil messed with it. Needless to say, Phil didn’t help with his thing ever again.

When they started dating, Phil added a few more things that Clint tended to do when not adrenalin induced. He’d lock and unlock the door a few times, He turned the lights on and off a couple of times, both before snuggling up to Phil and sleep. 

Phil didn’t mind it, to say the least, he’s worked with the man for years, so of course he’s used to Clint’s rituals. But tolerating wasn’t even in Phil’s dictionary when it came down to Clint. Phil adored Clint in every single possible way. 

He loved how Clint would mutter to himself, counting from one to how ever many. He loved the way his fingers curled in and out when he was counting how many times he’s done the thing. He loved it when Clint stopped at a sidewalk crack because that just meant he got to spend more time with Clint.

Clint had told him once, that it was okay if Phil left him and went ahead, that he wouldn’t mind. Phil responded by huffing and smiling at Clint, walking together with Clint, no matter how slow they went.

If he was being honest, he didn’t know why he found these things charming in Clint when normally Phil was a terribly impatient person. He could never wait in line long enough to get coffee even! 

But with Clint, every little thing he did was endearing. It was charming. 

—-

When Phil died, He expected Clint to move on. That was the logical thing to do, after all, but apparently, that wasn’t the case with Clint. 

He found out from Pepper that Clint was repressing his urges. Phil might not be a genius or a psychologist, but he knew that this couldn’t possibly be a good thing. 

Phil asked Pepper for a favor: to ask the Avengers to be patient with Clint. To ask him not to repress his urges. Phil watched a feed that Skye managed to hack into of the tower.

To his surprise however, Clint simply smiled and told Steve, _”I try so hard not to do the things that I did not because I’m afraid you guys will leave me behind. My whole life, I spent with people who promised me they wouldn’t leave me, that they’d wait for me, but in the end they’re just promises. There was nothing holding them back from leaving me. Over the years, I’ve become used to it. When I lost Phil, I thought I was going back to square one. I thought I’d have to find someone who was as patient with me as he was. Someone to love me like he did, and someone I could love like I did him. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Not when I still love him. I don’t want to go back to square one. I don’t want to find someone else. I want him back and I know that he’s dead but maybe, somehow, by some form of miracle he’ll come back and when he does, my door is unlocked. I do the things I do now because I want Phil Coulson back.”_

Phil knew he had to come back then, protocol and orders be damned.

Clint needed him. Of course he’d come back.

—-

Clint ate his cereal in front of the TV in silence, watching mindless television. He watched as the kid on screen kicked and screamed because he didn’t want to go to the time out corner. Sometimes Clint wondered whether these children actually existed and why people would ever want to have kids after watching one episode of this. 

"Well, some people think they could handle the challenges of raising a child," Clint flinched at the voice behind him and turned, ready to fight someone crazy enough to break into the Avengers tower. "but then they realize that they can’t and the whole thing turns over and under." Phil stood behind him, watching the TV as he continued to babble. 

Phil looked different. A little weary and a little beat up. His eyes looked tired and his smile looked unsure. “I see you’re eating cereal. Less-“

"Less time wasted on sorting it by color. Yes." Clint replied, looking down at the forgotten bowl in his hands. The cereal was soggy now from soaking too long in the milk. Clint put the bowl on the coffee table.

"I was going to say less effort to clean but I guess what I heard was true. You’re trying to-"

"I’m not trying to do anything."

"You’re suppressing it. I might not know a lot about-"

"No. No you don’t." Clint tried for a smirk, but it turned unreadable in seconds. "You don’t know how it feels to be left behind."

"Clint, I-"

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you been alive?" Clint rounded the couch and faced Phil, waiting for the man to answer his question.

"A year or so. I would’ve-"

Clint reached forward and hugged him, tucking his head in Phil’s neck. The blond sighed happily and nuzzled closer. 

"I’m glad you’re back." Phil felt himself smile. This was not what he expected to happen. He expected a punch or two. A kick in the guts for lying so long. A slap across the cheek for keeping secrets. A lot more yelling for returning from the dead.

Phil realized belatedly that he was just standing there and hugged Clint back to correct it. “I’m glad I’m back too.” They stayed like that for a minute longer before they even let go of each other; at which point Phil spoke first, “Now, about your repression…”

—-

Clint may have let the whole not-telling-your-team-about-your-not-really-being-dead schtick go but the rest of the Avengers did not - emphasis on the  _not_. 

It took an hour of yelling at him, a whole day of ignoring him and a lot of hugs after the whole ordeal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/103891787466/i-am-ready-to-quit-this-godforsaken-group)

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/91847104526/theres-a-storm-coming-in-the-morning-classes)


End file.
